Two months to go...

This past week my husband and I had a rare 3 days home alone.  The girls were both away on a three day trip with their school drama club and we had a chance to imagine life with an empty nest.  It is not often that they are both gone at the same time for several days.  At first we relished the quiet and the calm.  We joked about our "glimpse into the future."  We are best friends and know that life together once our children have launched will be wonderful.  We will miss them, but we are looking forward to what our next chapter will bring.
By the third day I was reminded that I'm not ready for this chapter to be over yet though!  I missed their crazy energy and their endless chatter.  I missed their smiles, hugs and kisses.  I missed their presence.

I haven't been inclined to write much lately ~ life has been busy with kids, work, Jeff's knee replacement the end of March, etc...  I've had endless excuses not to sit down and write.  I'm pretty sure the only reason I haven't actually managed to write is that this is when I pause and really think about how quickly life is moving.  The next chapter is coming and I need to make sure that I'm not skimming the pages of the current one.  It's too easy to just glance a page and turn it.  I want to re-read some over and over again, but don't always take the time to do it.

Two months...

My middle child graduates from high school in less that 2 months.  The next 2 months are full of adventures: college registration, prom, concerts, banquets, awards ceremonies etc...  They will go so fast and I don't want to miss a minute.

Two months from tomorrow I will bring her to New Hampshire to our beloved Camp Calumet where she will spend the summer working as a Camp Counselor.  There is no place she would rather be... except maybe the next chapter of her story ~ Luther College.
After 2 months in New Hampshire we will bring her across 1/2 the country to our beloved Decorah, IA and leave her at one of the best places in the world.  We will leave her there and return home.  Life will never be the same.  She takes over her story and we will do our best to read along.  We can't read ahead because those chapters haven't been written yet.  There will be drama and grief, joy and pain, love and adventure.  That's the kind of girl she is.  I will be as close as a text message or a phone call, but will be too far to hold her hand.  I will have to be satisfied that I will hold her heart as I have for the past 18 years.

2 months is a blink of an eye.  So is 18 years.

so it begins...

This weekend was the beginning for me.  A recognition that Katy is really heading to college next year; a long way from home.  A REALLY long way from home.  It seems like Andy just got back from his "Luther" visit in January of 2011.  Somehow we've sped to 2014, and while Andy decided against Luther, Katy is more sure than ever that it is the place for her.

I can't disagree and I'm sure I will blog numerous times about the merits of my Alma Mater, but today is about the recognition that the next 8 months are going to fly by.  If I'm really honest, it's only 5 and a half months before she heads out of "the nest," first to Calumet and then Luther.

The first time around (launching Andy), I was weepy from January on as I prepared myself, prematurely, to send my firstborn out into the world.  By the time he actually graduated and headed off to work at Calumet for the summer and then into his dorm at UConn, I was alright.  Granted he was 30 minutes down the road.  We don't see much of him, but just knowing that if he needed us or we needed him, we could get him home in a matter of a lunch break, has made it easier than I expected.  In fact, sometimes it's hard to believe he is halfway through his 3rd year!

This weekend when Katy was at Luther, I remembered how very far away it is.  While we have family and friends nearby who will step in if she ever needs "family", visits from us will be few and far between, and I will mostly be able to "be there" via phone and internet.  I won't be able to just drive over after work and take her out for lunch, or pick her up for a quick visit home.

I have no doubt that she is up to the challenge ~ She is far more independent than I remember being when I went off to college.  She has connected already with professors, coaches, peers, and admissions counselors with no prompting or guidance from us.  She knows where she wants to be and what she wants to do when she gets there.  The only tricky part will be making choices about how she spends her time.

I'm not sad yet.  We have months to go and I know that some of that time will be spent with her pushing us away; it's how it works.  I'll be ready to send her off when it's time.

I'm envious of the experiences she has yet to have and while you couldn't pay me enough to revisit middle school or high school for a minute, I would go back to college any day!

Like her brother, she is growing into an amazing, passionate, thoughtful young person with the potential to change the world for the better.  I'm looking forward to following her journey.

the umbilical cord

BREATHE....

There is nothing like starting the morning with drama.  It doesn't matter what kind of drama, it's just a tough way to start the day.  

Sometimes coffee and a little Today Show can change it up.

Other times a little puppy love does the trick.

Today, who knows.

BREATHE...

The journey to launch children is often harder for mothers than fathers.  I know that I am way more intertwined with my children than their Dad is.  I birthed them, I nursed them, I sent them out to the world.  While the umbilical cord was cut at birth, there is an invisible one that remains.  

"Cut the cord!"  A phrase sometimes used when describing someone who can't seem to separate from his/her parents.

I get that - I hope that once my children head out into the world, they will never move back home again.  I want them to know they can if they need to, but I hope they won't.  I hope that we've given them the skills to take on the world and make it a better place.  I think we have.

I don't like the image of cutting the metaphorical umbilical cord though.  The physical one was cut and from that moment on, each of my children began moving away from me.  

There is an invisible one though that keeps me connected to them.  I don't think that's a bad thing.  

Maybe it's just that the cord should be loose and relaxed most of the time, but still connected.  Allowing them (or me) to pull a little tighter when necessary.

Maybe the trick is knowing when it is "necessary."

Knowing when your teenager needs to work something out for themselves and when they need your help can be hard.  It has always been hard for me to watch my children struggle through something EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THIS IS OFTEN WHEN THE MOST LEARNING TAKES PLACE.  What I'm learning though is that it is sometimes difficult for me NOT because of their struggle, but because of how I'm afraid it reflects on me.

BREATHE...

It is their journey, not mine.  I need to not worry so much about how their journey reflects on me.  I am a good mom.  I am a good parent.  I have taught them well.  Some of the very choices they make that I struggle with are because we have raised them to think for themselves and not blindly follow the herd.

Maybe the "cord" is more like a safety rope when you're climbing.  It's there just in case.  The more responsible and independent they become the more slack you give them until you let it go and they are free.  

For now I will hang on so I can pull in a little tighter when necessary and I will continue to 

BREATHE...