How do we raise strong, confident, caring people who will grow up to make the world a better place for all? How much is nature and how much is nurture? Can someone who has grown up in less than ideal circumstances change their path? How do we parent our children throughout their life so that we give them the support and guidance they need, without smothering or controlling them?

Too many big questions for 5:30 in the morning!

Being a parent is hard. Being a teacher is hard. Being anyone who is responsible for guiding and teaching the next generation is HARD. If it is so hard, how have we as a species survived?

I can't even begin to dive in to all the questions above this early in the day, but maybe it's not really that hard. Maybe we (and our 21 century lifestyle) have made it harder.

~ Love unconditionally

~ Hold people accountable for their actions, then push the "re-start" button

~ Don't do things for children that they can do for themselves (even if it gets you out the door faster!)

~ Feed them good food

~ Provide them with plenty of fresh air and exercise

~ Teach them how to say "please" "thank you" and "I'm sorry".  Don't demand that they say these
      things... teach them by example.

~Teach them how to make eye contact and have a conversation with others.

~Teach them how to give a firm handshake

~ Don't make all their dreams come true. That's their job.

~ Be the person you want them to be - they will learn by watching YOU
         
~Explore the real world, not just the virtual one

~Don't ignore or avoid technology, but set clear limits on it.

different but good

This Thanksgiving marks the first holiday in 25 years that we will not be with at least one of our three children. When this first sank in, it felt very strange. What would that be like? Then it felt strange because I felt ok. Shouldn't I be sad? I've been turning it around in my head for a few weeks now and here are some of my thoughts ~

     It's just a day. I'm thankful everyday for my children, my family, my friends. Any chance we have to be together whether it's for a big feast or a quick dinner in the middle of the week is a chance to be thankful and enjoy time together.

     As a family, we have created a way of being that includes welcoming others to our table AND accepting the kindness of others to join them at theirs. Living far away from family means that our holiday table has often included a changing guest list - last Christmas was the first ever that we had Christmas Eve with just the 5 of us and it was odd. We also have not always been home, so while we have our traditions, they have remained flexible, making it easy not to get locked into "but we have to do it this way," kind of thinking. This year, Jeff and I will be in Canada with part of his family and will celebrate Thanksgiving on Saturday! Child number one will be house/dog-sitting for us, and is thinking about hosting a "friends" Thanksgiving. Child number two will spend the holiday with her boyfriend's family and child number three will be with my brother and his family. While we will not be together, we will all be thankful and enjoy the company of people we appreciate and care for.

     While I have moments when I miss my children terribly, most of the time, I'm living my life, of which they are a part. They are not the center. I love hearing about the people they are meeting and sharing time with. I love that my son is finding enjoyment in hosting and feeding people in the same way that his Dad and I do. I love hearing stories from people who host my daughter's about their comfort level in engaging in conversation with friends AND strangers.

This year I will give thanks that those I love all have some place to be where they are loved and appreciated. I will give thanks that my children are growing into loving, compassionate, giving people who are comfortable sharing their gifts and their table with others.

There is comfort in tradition and in family rituals for sure ~ growing up, my family's Christmas celebrations were filled with consistency and tradition which I loved and found comfort in. When I began my family, I tried to create some of these with my children. What I've realized however, is that when we become too attached to tradition, it can limit our ability to open ourselves to new people and new experiences. In today's ever changing world, we need to be opening ourselves to others, not closing them off. The political climate would suggest we need to isolate ourselves from others to be "safe." This is so wrong! The more we can learn about and engage with others, the more we eat, drink, sing and dance with others, the more we open ourselves to those who are different, the faster the walls that divide us fall away. It is much harder to hate and hurt those you have shared a meal with. It is harder to turn away from someone you have made music with.

This Thanksgiving I will miss my children at the table. I will talk with them all and look forward to seeing them in a few weeks. I will enjoy time with my husband, my in-laws, my nieces and nephews. I will relish our time together and over the next month will look for ways to help other's feel loved and cared for.

I will remind myself that it's one day. I will remember to be thankful EVERY day. I will give thanks.