the nest

the nest

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

the umbilical cord


There is nothing like starting the morning with drama.  It doesn't matter what kind of drama, it's just a tough way to start the day.  
Sometimes coffee and a little Today Show can change it up.
Other times a little puppy love does the trick.
Today, who knows.


The journey to launch children is often harder for mothers than fathers.  I know that I am way more intertwined with my children than their Dad is.  I birthed them, I nursed them, I sent them out to the world.  While the umbilical cord was cut at birth, there is an invisible one that remains.  

"Cut the cord!"  A phrase sometimes used when describing someone who can't seem to separate from his/her parents.

I get that - I hope that once my children head out into the world, they will never move back home again.  I want them to know they can if they need to, but I hope they won't.  I hope that we've given them the skills to take on the world and make it a better place.  I think we have.

I don't like the image of cutting the metaphorical umbilical cord though.  The physical one was cut and from that moment on, each of my children began moving away from me.  
There is an invisible one though that keeps me connected to them.  I don't think that's a bad thing.  

Maybe it's just that the cord should be loose and relaxed most of the time, but still connected.  Allowing them (or me) to pull a little tighter when necessary.
Maybe the trick is knowing when it is "necessary."

Knowing when your teenager needs to work something out for themselves and when they need your help can be hard.  It has always been hard for me to watch my children struggle through something EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THIS IS OFTEN WHEN THE MOST LEARNING TAKES PLACE.  What I'm learning though is that it is sometimes difficult for me NOT because of their struggle, but because of how I'm afraid it reflects on me.


It is their journey, not mine.  I need to not worry so much about how their journey reflects on me.  I am a good mom.  I am a good parent.  I have taught them well.  Some of the very choices they make that I struggle with are because we have raised them to think for themselves and not blindly follow the herd.

Maybe the "cord" is more like a safety rope when you're climbing.  It's there just in case.  The more responsible and independent they become the more slack you give them until you let it go and they are free.  

For now I will hang on so I can pull in a little tighter when necessary and I will continue to 


Monday, October 7, 2013

Random Monday morning thoughts...

It's been a while since I've visited.  This is a tricky time of year for me.  Lots going on and lots to coordinate.  At the same time, I struggle with the shortening days.  The dark mornings make it difficult to get moving and I have a hard time staying focused on whatever the "task at hand" might be.

I have a love/hate thing with Autumn.  The colors, smells, and the coolness are delicious.  I love soup and bread and chili and all foods that are for fall.  But the increasing darkness affects me in a way that is often frustrating, sometimes just annoying.  For a decade now I've acknowledged that SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is part of my make up and a low dose anti-depressant has been a useful tool to allow me to continue functioning through this challenging stretch of the year.  I don't like it, but can't function without it.

This fall, there have been so many ups and downs.  The sudden loss of my Father-in-Law, the perpetual financial stressors of our life, the state of our government, the challenges of raising teenagers... The joy and overwhelming success of our Peace, Love and Music Together Festival on International Peace Day, the love and support of family and friends, and the pleasures of raising teenagers.

Life continues to roll along and sometimes it's easy to "go with the flow" and other times I just want to dig my heels in and yell "STOP!"

So good to always remember that the days getting shorter means that they will start getting longer again soon.  Good to be gentle with ourselves and with others.  When we struggle, it's easy to forget that everyone else has their struggles too.

Be gentle.  Be kind.  Love others.  Breathe.