Time has passed and #1 is ready to fly solo!
Today I'm thinking of all the ways my life has changed because of these little ones. So funny to call them little ones as they have all passed me up, but in my heart they will always be my babies.
22 years ago today I became a Mama. While I was more prepared than many, you are never really ready to meet the one who will transform you. I had always loved babies and been good with them. I had read every book under the sun and was surrounded by a support system to be envious of.
22 years ago this morning I had already been in labor for 16 hours. Back labor in a hospital where my birth plan was being ignored, my wishes were being ignored, and my husband and best friend were doing their best to give me what I needed without getting themselves kicked out of the labor and delivery room. I was so young, but had prepared myself to have this baby the way I wanted to. While I was struggling to keep it together, I was having to defend myself from hospital bullies. NO, I don't want to breathe that way, I learned THIS WAY! NO, a resident cannot check my progress, only my Doctor. NO, I don't want an epidural for the millionth time. NO, I don't want to lie on my back. NO my husband may not leave my side. NO I will not be quiet! I'm in labor and will yell if I want! NO NO NO NO
After 20 or so hours where despite their best efforts to suggest otherwise, this little nugget was still doing fine and while he wasn't interested in joining the world just yet, was in no distress. I agreed to an epidural so I could sleep. After a rest, the pace picked up and after 28 hours of back labor, I gave birth to my firstborn. I was exhausted, starving and so happy to meet him. I had also learned that I was a force to be reckoned with. So many mama's were and are manipulated and bullied into procedures and medications that they don't want or need. After my experience with Andrew, I became an advocate for INFORMATION. If someone knows all the information and makes the educated decision to have this or that medication or procedure, good. As long as they have the information. This was my birth and my child. Given the facts it was my right to decide how to proceed. Doctors are not God and I learned at that point not to treat them as such.
In third grade our sunny, happy boy was becoming surly and withdrawn. We listened to him, pulled him out of school and spent a year learning together until we found a new school that was a better fit.
For a while in Middle School and High School I stopped listening. I was busier with my work, he had two sisters who demanded my attention and he was moving into adolescence where kids need to figure it out on their own. Sometimes I wish I had paid closer attention. There were times when it might have been better to step in had I been "listening."
Either way I know that I am so proud of the young man he has become and am looking forward to his visits home to the "nest".
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"